i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
