I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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