Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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