i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
