Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize