just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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