would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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