Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
