just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
