we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
