What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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