2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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