How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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