so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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