So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
someone threw a dead crab at me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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