Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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