At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
4 words: hood of his car
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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