I wanna passion pit in your ass
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
