I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
