i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
