What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
whose parrot is this?
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