I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
