used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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