I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
