so that wasnt chicken after all
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
home. puking in laundry basket.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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