I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
