Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Randomize
