So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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