I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
