how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
