I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
