Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The ass gains better be worth it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
