Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
a search helicopter?!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
