I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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