You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
