i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize