If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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