I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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