my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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