i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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