3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
