Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
