he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
