i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
