oh god the rape fog is back!
I faked an abortion last night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
