And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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