Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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