i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
