How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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