so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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