We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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