I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
