He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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