new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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