Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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