he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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