What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
