I'm so fucking centered right now
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
