umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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