I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
