My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
