You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
