It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize