is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
