I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
