You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
