the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
