too bad you live with your parents still
I wish i was in the wii world.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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