Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
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I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
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The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize