Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
