I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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