Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
