Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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