marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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